Reaching My Potential
by willowwood
Summary: Dawns POV during the episode ‘Potential’.


** Title: **Reaching My Potential

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Author: ** willowwood  
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Rating: **G

** Author's Notes: ** Guys I wrote this story just after the episode 'Potential' and I realise that where I have said Amanda doesn't go to school anymore in the episode 'Get it Done' Buffy mentioned Dawn and Amanda take the day of and there for I am wrong, please don't flame me for this mistake. 

Also this story hasn't been beta'd, so it you come across any major mistakes e-mail me or tell me in a review and I'll try to get them fixed as soon as possible. Thanks.

  
**Dedication: **I dedicate this to my fellow demon teen Lozz, who managed to keep me sane during the school holidays, and who has more *POTENTIAL* than most. Nutter you ROCK!!!.

  
**Summary: **Dawns POV during the episode 'Potential'.**  
  
Email: **willowwood@postmaster.co.uk  
  


**Reaching, My Potential.**

When the cloud of yellow energy rose from the burning fire and had sped towards me.

Everything suddenly seemed to become slow motion, a blur of racing colour before me and everything was over before I'd had a chance to move or even contemplate what the hell was going on.

In fact I didn't even realise what had exactly happened, not until the others fearful and anxious expression stared at me, and I unwillingly followed there gazes down to the glowing sphere that marred my clothing.

At which point I practically felt everything come crashing down on me, all thoughts I may have had residing in my brain slipped away and I was left only with a knot in the pit of my stomach and the slight sensation that I was going to heave at any moment.

I stood there motionless for about five minutes as I waited for the idea of my new found destiny to sink in and as it did all I was faced with was confusion, a mixed up array of feelings and emotions all blended together and I had no idea which of them I really wanted.

As you would have expected one part of me hated the idea, much like all of the other potentials probably did when they first found out, but I had reason to hate the very thought of it ten times more because for a potential to be called the slayer has to die, and the slayer just so happens to be my older sister.

I mean before the others even arrived in Sunnydale I very much doubt they were familiar with the whole slayer line concept let alone take it in to consideration, most of them hadn't even seen a vampire before they came to the Hellmouth.

Where as I've grown up with it since I was eleven years old and if I did ever get called I don't think I'd be able to live with the guilt that my own sister had died, for me to get there let alone have some blithering, pompous British watcher keep on telling me what an honour it was to have this great destiny.

And so when Willow, Xander and Anya's words of how great this was going to be, broke through my reverie I wasn't exactly quick to agree.

But as I thought about it more and more, I slowly began to realize that this was what I'd always wanted, to stop being the outsider, to stop being research girl.

The one who has to rely on a Star Trek nerd, to tell her everything that's going on with her only sister and friends.

I thought that maybe now Buffy would actually notice me, take notice of what I've got to say for once. Instead of just dismissing it without a second thought.

I mean before I found out about this I wasn't exactly anything special.

Two years ago I'd been the key, a mystical glowy thing that Glory had been trying to capture, but after the hell god had been destroyed and Buffy had sacrificed herself to save the world.

I was suddenly nothing but a whining teenager.

Not really surprising that a slayer, a witch, a 100 and odd year old vampire and an ex-vengeance demon aren't interested in me is it?

I guess as I stood on that scaffolding tower, above where the portal was going to open, I knew all of this deep down, which was one of the reasons I was willing to throw myself off of it, to plummet into the portal so that it could drain me of my blood, that and an insatiable urge not to have to watch my family, friends and the rest of the world die because of me. 

Six months ago when Willow had tried to destroy the world, over Taras death- and Xander had managed to save us all.

Buffy and I had stood in that underground cave, the dust settling around us, both exhausted from our fight, and the slayer had burst into tears.

That day my sister had promised too show me the world, said that she was sorry for being so distant with me since our mom had died, and since she herself had been resurrected.

And for a while it had worked, we'd hung around together, did the things normal sisters were meant to do.

She'd even took me patrolling with her once or twice and had shown me how to fight; stick up for myself-it had been fun.

But as I had expected it didn't last very long, I presume it all started to slowly go back to how it used to be when Willow came back from England, and I got paralyzed by that freaky Gnarl demon.

I'm not entirely sure what made Buffy change her mind about the way she treated me again, but I'm sure it had something to do with me getting hurt, put the idea in her head that I'm just a weak innocent whose too young to have to go through of this.

What they seem to so conveniently forgot is that I'm Dawn Summers the slayers younger sister. Not Dawn Smith the butcher's daughter and wherever I go evil seems to be able to find me. I mean you could probably lock me in a padded cell and I'd still get attacked by something or someone.

So when the first evil showed up, and that Turok-han vampire started attacking us on a daily basis, I suddenly became the bystander again the one meant to flee for there life, or watch from the side lines as the others save the day.

Sometimes I find myself wondering whether Buffy would have told me about her and Spikes sex-capades if I hadn't figured it out for myself, or that when it was all over she'd have mentioned something about his attempted rape if Xander hadn't let it slip first.

Or if she'd have just forgotten about it, and would have never told me about like a lot of other things she instantaneously presumes I'm too young to hear or understand.

I mean she didn't even tell me that she'd bumped into him in the basement of my highschool. According to her she just forgot to tell me what with all the commotion of saving me and my friends. 

Yeah I'm sure she did, by the way that was me being sarcastic.

Isn't it funny how when your convinced that your something special, or that you can do something you wouldn't even think of doing on any other time. That you find yourself doing what ever it may be so easily with out a second thought. Even if it's something you'd hate doing, or can't possibly do on another basis.

Because that's what it was like when I was in the high school with Amanda, fending of that Vampire.

In my subconscious I knew I hadn't got a chance against that thing. Yet because of what the spell showed us, and because I was under the false idea that I was some destined potential I pushed myself to fight, blocking out all my fears and worries to desperately save Amanda and myself.

Of course that illusion was lost when those Bringer Guys broke into the classroom and had advanced on Amanda.

At first I was disappointed in a way because I wasn't destined and I didn't have a purpose.

I was just a teenager again, nothing special about me, but then again I wouldn't be the inheritance of great powers, after my sister died for me to get it.

Then without even realising I was actually doing it, I subconsciously answered my own question of 'Was power what I really wanted?' as I handed the piece of wood to Amanda, and my answer was I didn't need this, I didn't want to be destined or have a purpose I'm happy being little old me, and that's what I continuously keep telling myself as I watch Amanda and the others go about there daily routine.

Amanda's the seventh maybe sixth potential stopping with us now, truthfully I don't bother keeping track of them anymore, and all I know is that it's getting harder and harder to get into the bathroom every day.

She's moved into my room; Molly's gone downstairs with some of the others after all that was where she slept most of the time anyway. Dozed of after telling the latest arrival tales of the heroic slayer.

She's stopped going to school as well; Buffy says it's too dangerous what with the possibility of the Bringers showing up at any moment-after all from what we know of them, they appear to be human.

I'm not exactly sure what she told her parents, most likely the truth knowing her, and they were too shocked to protest or say anything at all before she packed up and left.

The others love her, although that may have something to do with the new set or clothes that they can steal, I mean err borrow, and Buffy says that her trainings coming on great which I find hard to doubt, I mean back at the high school did you see how easily she wailed on those guys, I guess al that fighting with Bullies finally paid off.

Xanders just spoken to me.

It's funny how ever bad your feeling, that you never automatically presume that there are other people out there who are coping, maybe better or not as good with the same kind of thing as you are.

I don't think I ever realized that Xander goes through the same thing as me every day and has being doing so for the past 7 years, and yet he doesn't whine or complain about it.

He just continues to be himself and every now and then he helps the others out, and does a pretty good job of it actually.

Who would have thought a glorified brick layer as Spike once called him, would be able to save the world from a psychotic vengeance seeking Wicca, but he did.

And maybe, someday an ex-mystical key, glowy, thingy will be able to, too. 

**The End**


End file.
